Sunday, 31 May 2015

The Solitary Business of Being Me


There comes a time in your life.....
When you are lonely.
So lonely that you start fantasising things.
You dream about things the way they can never be.
Nothing is wrong, but nothing is right either.

People mistake your words for arrogance.
People mistake your silence for anger.
And you feel, for a moment, to scream out loud.
Ask everyone to shut the hell up.
Please. 
Don't tell me that I am lucky. Tell me to how to face my demons.
Don't remind me what I have, help me get better.
Being content isn't a sign of moving forward.

Please.
Before you accuse me of being indifferent,  step into my shoes first.
Understand that times haven't been kind to me......
I have been in places where I don't fit in.
I have experienced things which are not exactly pleasant.
My beliefs have been questioned, my ideals lie in peril.
I have lost someone who loved me dearly.

And at this moment......
I start wishing for someone.
Anyone- a friend, a relative or a stranger.
To listen.
I see others in love, and I wish I had someone.
Someone whose messages I would look forward to, whose good morning might just make my day
Someone who would make everything feel alright.

But I know,  its only in my mind.
The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
A knight in shining armor probably never got his metal tested.
My loneliness shouldn't be a reason to love.
Unconditional love is rare these days, and I doubt if love would shine on me.
But I made a promise to myself. 
I made it when my spirits were high.
I made it when my mind was rational.
I promised myself never to settle for anything less than the best.
And I know it holds good. Even now.

And this realization is the new me
Those childish and immature feelings just gave way
A matured individual is born.
I become my best friend.
And believe, even it doesn't seem that way,
That this is the best thing that ever happened to me.
The grass is greener on the side you water it.
I confronted my loneliness. 
And another milestone is reached on my way to being better.

-Saujanya